I’ve been hearing a lot of complaints recently about something, and they’ve been bugging me. The gist of it that there are two schools of thought regarding how vocal and visible we (the TG/CD/TS etc.) should be.
Once school holds that we should live our lives quietly, staying under the radar, so to speak. Making progress via quiet integration into society, essentially.
The other says we need to let people know we are here, we’re here to stay, and we are not just going to sit down and shut up.
Let me state for the record that I don’t believe these two methods of progress are mutually exclusive. I believe they complement each other.
I have crossdressing friends who go out and party and dance and shop and model and eat at restaurants–in short, people who are out in society, often in very short dresses. They are not trying to pass as women, they’re trying to be accepted as crossdressers. And it works.
Last Friday night I was out with them. What happens is we get together for some socializing and a quick meeting, then whoever wants to goes out to a club or someplace to dance, listen to live music, have a drink or two, etc. During our initial get-together, someone invariably starts a conversation with one or more of us. Friday it was two young women staying at the hotel with their choir group, who were given permission from their chaperones to come talk to us if we said it was okay.
They head of our group is very outgoing and very welcoming. Every week she’s talking to someone new. Every week she’s making new friends. Every week she’s showing people that we are normal, outgoing, friendly people, and not the freaks or monsters they might have thought.
Later at the club it was the same way. It was my first time at this particular locale, but several others had been there before. Regular patrons welcomed us warmly. The band gave us a shout and dedicated a song to us–one of us even plays with the band when she’s there–and the staff are always welcoming and friendly. People come and talk to us, or dance with those of us who dance (not me…my legs may look great, but they’re tipped by a pair of clumsy left feet), or congratulate us on being out doing our thing.
Now, I’m not saying everyone in the place was cool with us. I did notice a few scowls aimed our way, but they were rare and brief. For the most part people either ignored us or welcomed us enthusiastically.
The other side of the coin are the TG folks who simply want to go where they will and do what they do without anyone making a fuss over the fact that they are or were once men (or women, though that’s seemingly much more acceptable in today’s society so it’s not as big a problem, I think). They don’t necessarily need to be accepted as women (several I know make no pretense of passing, and admit to the fact), but they do need to be accepted. If they order a sandwich or a salad at a deli counter, they don’t want to be treated any differently than any other customer in the place. I was out with a friend for lunch (I in drab, she in her only mode) and the patrons mostly ignored us, though I did see a couple of men looking over at us and whispering between themselves. The staff were very friendly and welcoming to her, as much as they were to me.
So which method of integration into society works better? Which one achieves the better results? Which one will further our acceptance by society more quickly?
Which is better for us, as crossdressers, intersex, transsexual or otherwise in some way transgender individuals?
I say both.
I’ve heard TG folks complain about the group I go out with. We’re too “in your face”, make too much noise, draw too much attention to ourselves. We make people notice us, when all we should need to do is slide by as ourselves without anyone caring.
But some of us would never be “out” at all without the first group, even if later on we may prefer to count ourselves among the second group. Because of where I am in my life, and the choices I’ve made, and the family I’ve grown, I would never have gone out dressed were it not for this wonderful group of crossdressers who party every weekend. Because of the safe venue they provide, I was able to find a way to finally show my feminine side to a part of the world, without fear of ridicule or danger. Their safe haven provided me with the outlet I needed to be me, and I thank God for them for continuing to provide that outlet should any new Sister need it.
And I thank God for all the “under the radar” t-girls I know as well. They’ve shown me that it is possible to be who you are in today’s society, even if I am nowhere near the point of going out in Dianna mode every day. They’ve shown me that there are people out there who will let them be themselves, who will accept them as friends or customers or fellow travelers on the rails of life–who will accept them as people, in other words.
No, not everyone accepts…and that’s true for both the “in your face” girls as well as the “under the radar” ladies. Some people will always be afraid, and that’s too bad, because almost universally, the t-girls, crossdressers, post-ops etc. that I’ve met are friendly, giving, caring individuals who have a lot of Light to give to the world.
Slowly but surely, with generals leading both fronts, we’re making progress toward shining that Light.
With which side do you agree? Feel free to comment.
God Bless!
-Dianna Rose
Confessions of a Christian Crossdresser 