Much has been happening on the “wife’s acceptance” front the past couple of weeks. Those of you who have been following my journey to acceptance (both my own and my wife’s), will know that this is a time I never thought would come. But through faith, patience, love and compassion, it has.
A couple of weeks ago, my wife and I were talking. It was one of the occasional times when she’s comfortable enough about where things are to actually converse about my crossdressing.
She was worried that I might be spending too much money, because she recognizes that even going out once a month, I need new outfits to wear. Who wants to be seen in the same skirt and blouse every time out?
So she made a gesture that almost brought me to tears–she took me to her closet, pointed out several things she no longer wears, and said “they’re yours if you want them.”
I was astounded! Way back when I started documenting my journey into feminine expression, I didn’t think she’d ever get to this point. I have never been happier to be proven wrong. Well, that’s not true. I have since been happier to have been proven wrong, but read on. 🙂
I prayed for God to open her heart and mind enough to accept and support me. God answered that prayer many times, and answered it once more that day. I have not stopped thanking Him for all He has done to lift me. His gifts amaze me constantly.
That was wonderful acceptance event number one. Number two blew it out of the water:
My wife and I were out looking for shorts and sandals for her. Ended up at the mall. We’re heading toward JC Penney and passing Charlotte Russe, so she asks if she can stop in there to see what they have for sandals.
Before getting to the shoes, she stops by the clearance rack. Pulls out a black dress with a black-and-white skirt. She holds it up to herself and looks at the price ($20) and goes to put it back. I notice another price on the flip side of the tag. $6.99.
“$6.99??” she asks, incredulous. She looks at it again, seems to think for a moment, then SHE HOLDS THE DRESS UP TO ME!!!
“Too small” she says, “but maybe they have the next size up.” And she starts looking through the racks.
“What?” I ask, abundantly eloquent in my astonishment.
“For that price,” she says, “one of us should buy it.”
My gast was completely flabbered. I couldn’t even think of anything to say. She found a large, but looking at it more closely she said the belt would be too low on me and the skirt was too short anyway (it was a very long top section in solid black, and a very short black-and-white skirt portion, set very low). I agree…It was cute, but it was weirdly proportioned and I didn’t really care for it, but what a surprise she gave me!
We browse the clearance racks for a few moments more (notice I said “we”…I was openly looking through the racks with her, knowing that we were both looking for me. But there wasn’t anything I really liked, nor her.
So then we move on to the shoes. She doesn’t see any sandals she likes, but she does spot a cute pair of boots. She gets her size, tries them on, and loves them. Then we notice the sign that says “Buy one, get the second pair for $15”.
“There’s nothing else here I want,” she says, “Is there anything here that’s your style?” Again I hit her with the “What?”, because I’m a master of language.
“For that price we have to get another pair,” she says. “I don’t want to know about it, but I’m willing to buy you a pair so we don’t waste the bargain.”
Wow oh wow again!!! She suggests flats, because there are no pumps they had that I liked, but I wasn’t sure and I didn’t dare try any on in front of her or the other women in the store, and besides, we’d only save $3 on the flats, so she asked if I liked any of the boots.
Long story short (too late, I know!), I got the same boots she did, only black instead of brown. They’re ankle-high, maybe 2 1/2″ or 3″ heel, and cute as nobody’s business. I don’t know if they’ll go with anything I currently have, but I’ll put something together around them at some point.
I am floating! I cannot believe she did that for me! She says it’s not going to become a habit so don’t expect it again, but I’m just grateful for this one show of acceptance and support. It’s a point I never thought she’d ever reach. I know sometimes as we talk about my crossdressing she feels like I am pushing her to accept things she’s not ready to, but I’ve really been trying not to. We do talk occasionally, but mostly I just let her drive the conversation. And every once in a while she shows me that she is processing it all.
So just before bed, she asked if I had tried them on yet. I said no (my daughter was still getting ready for bed), so she said to go make sure they fit.
“I don’t want to see, I don’t want to know, but go try them on.”
I went and tried them on, came back and gave her a thumb’s up.
“Aren’t they comfortable?” she asked. I agreed, ’cause they are.
What a phenomenal end to an otherwise drab week.
If nothing else, at least now when I’m out shopping with her, I can feel more comfortable browsing the racks. And when she’s looking at shoes, I can be maybe just a little more open about my opinions, and she won’t be so upset at the thought that just maybe I’m thinking about them for me.
We may be semi-separated, but I still love that woman!
What do you think? Cute, right? 🙂 Now I just need something with which to wear them!
Before getting to the shoes, she stops by the clearance rack. Pulls out a black dress with a black-and-white skirt. She holds it up to herself and looks at the price ($20) and goes to put it back. I notice another price on the flip side of the tag. $6.99.
“$6.99???” she asks, incredulous. She looks at it again, seems to think for a moment, then SHE HOLDS THE DRESS UP TO ME!!!
“Too small” she says, “but maybe they have the next size up.” And she starts looking through the racks.
“What?” I ask, abundantly eloquent in my astonishment.
“For that price,” she says, “one of us should buy it.”
My gast was completely flabbered. I couldn’t even think of anything to say. She found a large, but looking at it more closely she said the belt would be too low on me and the skirt was too short anyway (it was a very long top section in solid black, and a very short black-and-white skirt portion, set very low). I agree…It was cute, but it was weirdly proportioned and I didn’t really care for it, but what a surprise she gave me!
We browse the clearance racks for a few moments more (notice I said “we”…I was openly looking through the racks with her, knowing that we were both looking for me. But there wasn’t anything I really liked, nor her.
So then we move on to the shoes. She doesn’t see any sandals she likes, but she does spot a cute pair of boots. She gets her size, tries them on, and loves them. Then we notice the sign that says “Buy one, get the second pair for $15”.
“There’s nothing else here I want,” she says, “Is there anything here that’s your style?” Again I hit her with the “What?”, because I’m a master of language.
“For that price we have to get another pair,” she says. “I don’t want to know about it, but I’m willing to buy you a pair so we don’t waste the bargain.”
Wow oh wow again!!! She suggests flats, because there are no pumps they had that I liked, but I wasn’t sure and I didn’t dare try any on in front of her or the other women in the store, and besides, we’d only save $3 on the flats, so she asked if I liked any of the boots.
Long story short (too late, I know!), I got the same boots she did, only black instead of brown. They’re ankle-high, maybe 2 1/2″ or 3″ heel, and cute as nobody’s business. I don’t know if they’ll go with anything I currently have, but I’ll put something together around them at some point.
I am floating! I cannot believe she did that for me! She says it’s not going to become a habit so don’t expect it again, but I’m just grateful for this one show of acceptance and support. It’s a point I never thought she’d ever reach. I know sometimes as we talk about my crossdressing she feels like I am pushing her to accept things she’s not ready to, but I’ve really been trying not to. We do talk occasionally, but mostly I just let her drive the conversation. And every once in a while she shows me that she is processing it all.
So just before bed, she asked if I had tried them on yet. I said no (my daughter was still getting ready for bed), so she said to go make sure they fit.
“I don’t want to see, I don’t want to know, but go try them on.”
I went and tried them on, came back and gave her a thumb’s up.
“Aren’t they comfortable?” she asked. I agreed, ’cause they are.
What a phenomenal end to an otherwise drab week.
If nothing else, at least now when I’m out shopping with her, I can feel more comfortable browsing the racks. And when she’s looking at shoes, I can be maybe just a little more open about my opinions, and she won’t be so upset at the thought that just maybe I’m thinking about them for me.
We may be semi-separated, but I still love that woman!
My wife and I were out looking for shorts and sandals for her. Ended up at the mall. We’re heading toward JC Penney and passing Charlotte Russe, so she asks if she can stop in there to see what they have for sandals.
Before getting to the shoes, she stops by the clearance rack. Pulls out a black dress with a black-and-white skirt. She holds it up to herself and looks at the price ($20) and goes to put it back. I notice another price on the flip side of the tag. $6.99.
“$6.99???” she asks, incredulous. She looks at it again, seems to think for a moment, then SHE HOLDS THE DRESS UP TO ME!!!
“Too small” she says, “but maybe they have the next size up.” And she starts looking through the racks.
“What?” I ask, abundantly eloquent in my astonishment.
“For that price,” she says, “one of us should buy it.”
My gast was completely flabbered. I couldn’t even think of anything to say. She found a large, but looking at it more closely she said the belt would be too low on me and the skirt was too short anyway (it was a very long top section in solid black, and a very short black-and-white skirt portion, set very low). I agree…It was cute, but it was weirdly proportioned and I didn’t really care for it, but what a surprise she gave me!
We browse the clearance racks for a few moments more (notice I said “we”…I was openly looking through the racks with her, knowing that we were both looking for me. But there wasn’t anything I really liked, nor her.
So then we move on to the shoes. She doesn’t see any sandals she likes, but she does spot a cute pair of boots. She gets her size, tries them on, and loves them. Then we notice the sign that says “Buy one, get the second pair for $15”.
“There’s nothing else here I want,” she says, “Is there anything here that’s your style?” Again I hit her with the “What?”, because I’m a master of language.
“For that price we have to get another pair,” she says. “I don’t want to know about it, but I’m willing to buy you a pair so we don’t waste the bargain.”
Wow oh wow again!!! She suggests flats, because there are no pumps they had that I liked, but I wasn’t sure and I didn’t dare try any on in front of her or the other women in the store, and besides, we’d only save $3 on the flats, so she asked if I liked any of the boots.
Long story short (too late, I know!), I got the same boots she did, only black instead of brown. They’re ankle-high, maybe 2 1/2″ or 3″ heel, and cute as nobody’s business. I don’t know if they’ll go with anything I currently have, but I’ll put something together around them at some point.
I am floating! I cannot believe she did that for me! She says it’s not going to become a habit so don’t expect it again, but I’m just grateful for this one show of acceptance and support. It’s a point I never thought she’d ever reach. I know sometimes as we talk about my crossdressing she feels like I am pushing her to accept things she’s not ready to, but I’ve really been trying not to. We do talk occasionally, but mostly I just let her drive the conversation. And every once in a while she shows me that she is processing it all.
So just before bed, she asked if I had tried them on yet. I said no (my daughter was still getting ready for bed), so she said to go make sure they fit.
“I don’t want to see, I don’t want to know, but go try them on.”
I went and tried them on, came back and gave her a thumb’s up.
“Aren’t they comfortable?” she asked. I agreed, ’cause they are.
What a phenomenal end to an otherwise drab week.
If nothing else, at least now when I’m out shopping with her, I can feel more comfortable browsing the racks. And when she’s looking at shoes, I can be maybe just a little more open about my opinions, and she won’t be so upset at the thought that just maybe I’m thinking about them for me.
We may be semi-separated, but I still love that woman!
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You know Dianna, we think we know a person even having lived with them many years but now and then they’ll surprise us. I think she is warming to the idea of your cross-dressing now that she realises that you are not going anywhere. Those boots look very nice and I am sure you’ll find something suitable to wear with them. She may have said this is a one-off but I wouldn’t be to sure about that. It will be wonderful to have her alongside when you are out shopping as she will be able to advise you. All in all it has been good news though Dianna. I am happy for you. Love
Shirley Anne xxx
Thanks Shirley Anne!
I don’t know if I’d use the word “warming” yet, but she’s definitely not as cool toward it as she once was. I still have to be careful not to push or assume anything with her…she was spring-cleaning her closet and ran across a pair of shoes I’d never seen before. She commented on the fact that they were now too small for her (she’s lost a lot of weight in the last few months), so without thinking I asked “What size are they?” with a grin on my face. I was warned not to joke about it, and not to push her.
My bad. 😦 But I figured, if she can’t wear them and if they fit me, why leave them unused, or throw them out?
So I still have to leave everything in her hands.
But definite progress.
This is the most marvellous development and I’m very happy for you.
What an amazing woman your wife is. She looks at skirts and dresses, carefully checking on whether they’ll suit you. She helps you to buy beautiful boots and wants to know if you’ve tried them on, but she doesn’t wish to see you dressed in any of them… yet!
I can’t help feeling that we’re a long way from the end of this story and that there are some great times in store for you both.
Love and blessings,
Angie xx
Angie, I’m really hoping she keeps this new mindset. I’d really love to go shopping with her and not have it all be just FOR her. I’d love to be able to say things like “I’m looking for a short black sweater like this one,” instead of waiting for her to bring things up, which is what I feel I have to do still. It’s all got to be on her timing and in her control.
But I hope the story continues toward a happy ending. It certainly hasn’t been dull so far! 🙂
That’s fantastic news! It’s very satisfying to be able to go shopping for girl clothes as a bloke with your wife. Plus you get the benefit of someone else’s style advice which I value greatly. My experience of it has taken a different path to yours in that I didn’t have to fight for acceptance of it, coming out of depression by asking if I could cross-dress meant that my first cross-dressing since my early teenage years was done in clothing my wife had bought.
All I can suggest to you is that you try to make the process as much fun for your wife as you can. Go clothes shopping with and for her as much as for yourself. Tell her she looks good and express envy when she finds something you wouldn’t mind for yourself. (This last happened for me on Saturday, Mrs. J walked out of House of Fraser having bought a dress I think is to-die-for, something she’s completely aware of and I think pleases her)
There’s another side to it, she retains some control. It’s a deep-seated fear in a wife of a trans husband, that she’ll lose her man going off with a bunch of Big Scary T-girls. By involving herself in that side of her bloke, she sees the true picture and retains some of that control over here her partner is going. In the case of shopping and Mrs. J, part of the control is her ensuring she saves me from inadvertent style disaster as this would embarrass her.
I am sorry that your wife does not want to see you en femme. Yet again my experience has been different, through seeing the remarkable effect it had of pulling me out of clinical depression Mrs. J positively encourages me to cross dress at home. Yet again, it’s a remaining in control thing as well, I dress at home and (logistics willing!) at my local support group and in return I stay within her comfort zone so she doesn’t have to worry about my going out or dressing anywhere else.
I envy you the boots. What I’d give for something like that available over the counter in a UK15!
Fabulous story. Try to be patient, but it sounds like she just might come around eventually.