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Archive for April, 2010

I’ve been hearing a lot of complaints recently about something, and they’ve been bugging me.  The gist of it that there are two schools of thought regarding how vocal and visible we (the TG/CD/TS etc.) should be.

Once school holds that we should live our lives quietly, staying under the radar, so to speak.  Making progress via quiet integration into society, essentially.

The other says we need to let people know we are here, we’re here to stay, and we are not just going to sit down and shut up.

Let me state for the record that I don’t believe these two methods of progress are mutually exclusive.  I believe they complement each other.

I have crossdressing friends who go out and party and dance and shop and model and eat at restaurants–in short, people who are out in society, often in very short dresses.  They are not trying to pass as women, they’re trying to be accepted as crossdressers.  And it works.

Last Friday night I was out with them.  What happens is we get together for some socializing and a quick meeting, then whoever wants to goes out to a club or someplace to dance, listen to live music, have a drink or two, etc. During our initial get-together, someone invariably starts a conversation with one or more of us.  Friday it was two young women staying at the hotel with their choir group, who were given permission from their chaperones to come talk to us if we said it was okay.

They head of our group is very outgoing and very welcoming.  Every week she’s talking to someone new.  Every week she’s making new friends.  Every week she’s showing people that we are normal, outgoing, friendly people,  and not the freaks or monsters they might have thought.

Later at the club it was the same way.  It was my first time at this particular locale, but several others had been there before.  Regular patrons welcomed us warmly.  The band gave us a shout and dedicated a song to us–one of us even plays with the band when she’s there–and the staff are always welcoming and friendly.  People come and talk to us, or dance with those of us who dance (not me…my legs may look great, but they’re tipped by a pair of clumsy left feet), or congratulate us on being out doing our thing.

Now, I’m not saying everyone in the place was cool with us.  I did notice a few scowls aimed our way, but they were rare and brief.  For the most part people either ignored us or welcomed us enthusiastically.

The other side of the coin are the TG folks who simply want to go where they will and do what they do without anyone making a fuss over the fact that they are or were once men (or women, though that’s seemingly much more acceptable in today’s society so it’s not as big a problem, I think). They don’t necessarily need to be accepted as women (several I know make no pretense of passing, and admit to the fact), but they do need to be accepted.  If they order a sandwich or a salad at a deli counter, they don’t want to be treated any differently than any other customer in the place.  I was out with a  friend for lunch (I in drab, she in her only mode) and the patrons mostly ignored us, though I did see a couple of men looking over at us and whispering between themselves. The staff were very friendly and welcoming to her, as much as they were to me.

So which method of integration into society works better?  Which one achieves the better results?  Which one will further our acceptance by society more quickly?

Which is better for us, as crossdressers,  intersex, transsexual or otherwise in some way transgender individuals?

I say both.

I’ve heard TG folks complain about the group I go out with.  We’re too “in your face”, make too much noise, draw too much attention to ourselves.  We make people notice us, when all we should need to do is slide by as ourselves without anyone caring.

But some of us would never be “out” at all without the first group, even if later on we may prefer to count ourselves among the second group. Because of where I am in my life, and the choices I’ve made, and the family I’ve grown, I would never have gone out dressed were it not for this wonderful group of crossdressers who party every weekend.  Because of the safe venue they provide, I was able to find a way to finally show my feminine side to a part of the world, without fear of ridicule or danger.  Their safe haven provided me with the outlet I needed to be me, and I thank God for them for continuing to provide that outlet should any new Sister need it.

And I thank God for all the “under the radar” t-girls I know as well.  They’ve shown me that it is possible to be who you are in today’s society, even if I am nowhere near the point of going out in Dianna mode every day.  They’ve shown me that there are people out there who will let them be themselves, who will accept them as friends or customers or fellow travelers on the rails of life–who will accept them as people, in other words.

No, not everyone accepts…and that’s true for both the “in your face” girls as well as the “under the radar” ladies.  Some people will always be afraid, and that’s too bad, because almost universally, the t-girls, crossdressers, post-ops etc. that I’ve met are friendly, giving, caring individuals who have a lot of Light to give to the world.

Slowly but surely, with generals leading both fronts, we’re making progress toward shining that Light.

With which side do you agree?  Feel free to comment.

God Bless!

-Dianna Rose

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Much has been happening on the “wife’s acceptance” front the past couple of weeks. Those of you who have been following my journey to acceptance (both my own and my wife’s), will know that this is a time I never thought would come. But through faith, patience, love and compassion, it has.

A couple of weeks ago, my wife and I were talking. It was one of the occasional times when she’s comfortable enough about where things are to actually converse about my crossdressing.

She was worried that I might be spending too much money, because she recognizes that even going out once a month, I need new outfits to wear. Who wants to be seen in the same skirt and blouse every time out?

So she made a gesture that almost brought me to tears–she took me to her closet, pointed out several things she no longer wears, and said “they’re yours if you want them.”

I was astounded! Way back when I started documenting my journey into feminine expression, I didn’t think she’d ever get to this point.  I have never been happier to be proven wrong. Well, that’s not true. I have since been happier to have been proven wrong, but read on. 🙂

I prayed for God to open her heart and mind enough to accept and support me.  God answered that prayer many times, and answered it once more that day. I have not stopped thanking Him for all He has done to lift me.  His gifts amaze me constantly.

That was wonderful acceptance event number one.  Number two blew it out of the water:

My wife and I were out looking for shorts and sandals for her. Ended up at the mall. We’re heading toward JC Penney and passing Charlotte Russe, so she asks if she can stop in there to see what they have for sandals.

Before getting to the shoes, she stops by the clearance rack. Pulls out a black dress with a black-and-white skirt. She holds it up to herself and looks at the price ($20) and goes to put it back. I notice another price on the flip side of the tag. $6.99.

“$6.99??” she asks, incredulous. She looks at it again, seems to think for a moment, then SHE HOLDS THE DRESS UP TO ME!!!

“Too small” she says, “but maybe they have the next size up.” And she starts looking through the racks.

“What?” I ask, abundantly eloquent in my astonishment.

“For that price,” she says, “one of us should buy it.”

My gast was completely flabbered. I couldn’t even think of anything to say. She found a large, but looking at it more closely she said the belt would be too low on me and the skirt was too short anyway (it was a very long top section in solid black, and a very short black-and-white skirt portion, set very low). I agree…It was cute, but it was weirdly proportioned and I didn’t really care for it, but what a surprise she gave me!

We browse the clearance racks for a few moments more (notice I said “we”…I was openly looking through the racks with her, knowing that we were both looking for me. But there wasn’t anything I really liked, nor her.

So then we move on to the shoes. She doesn’t see any sandals she likes, but she does spot a cute pair of boots. She gets her size, tries them on, and loves them. Then we notice the sign that says “Buy one, get the second pair for $15”.

“There’s nothing else here I want,” she says, “Is there anything here that’s your style?” Again I hit her with the “What?”, because I’m a master of language.

“For that price we have to get another pair,” she says. “I don’t want to know about it, but I’m willing to buy you a pair so we don’t waste the bargain.”

Wow oh wow again!!! She suggests flats, because there are no pumps they had that I liked, but I wasn’t sure and I didn’t dare try any on in front of her or the other women in the store, and besides, we’d only save $3 on the flats, so she asked if I liked any of the boots.

Long story short (too late, I know!), I got the same boots she did, only black instead of brown. They’re ankle-high, maybe 2 1/2″ or 3″ heel, and cute as nobody’s business. I don’t know if they’ll go with anything I currently have, but I’ll put something together around them at some point.

I am floating! I cannot believe she did that for me! She says it’s not going to become a habit so don’t expect it again, but I’m just grateful for this one show of acceptance and support. It’s a point I never thought she’d ever reach. I know sometimes as we talk about my crossdressing she feels like I am pushing her to accept things she’s not ready to, but I’ve really been trying not to. We do talk occasionally, but mostly I just let her drive the conversation. And every once in a while she shows me that she is processing it all.

So just before bed, she asked if I had tried them on yet. I said no (my daughter was still getting ready for bed), so she said to go make sure they fit.

“I don’t want to see, I don’t want to know, but go try them on.”

I went and tried them on, came back and gave her a thumb’s up.

“Aren’t they comfortable?” she asked. I agreed, ’cause they are.

What a phenomenal end to an otherwise drab week.

If nothing else, at least now when I’m out shopping with her, I can feel more comfortable browsing the racks. And when she’s looking at shoes, I can be maybe just a little more open about my opinions, and she won’t be so upset at the thought that just maybe I’m thinking about them for me.

We may be semi-separated, but I still love that woman!

What do you think?  Cute, right?  🙂  Now I just need something with which to wear them!

New Boots – First purchase with my wife FOR ME

Those of you who have been following my journey to acceptance (both my own and my wife’s), will know that this is a day I never thought would come. But through faith, patience, love and compassion, it has. My wife and I were out looking for shorts and sandals for her. Ended up at the mall. We’re heading toward JC Penney and passing Charlotte Russe, so she asks if she can stop in there to see what they have for sandals.

Before getting to the shoes, she stops by the clearance rack. Pulls out a black dress with a black-and-white skirt. She holds it up to herself and looks at the price ($20) and goes to put it back. I notice another price on the flip side of the tag. $6.99.

“$6.99???” she asks, incredulous. She looks at it again, seems to think for a moment, then SHE HOLDS THE DRESS UP TO ME!!!

“Too small” she says, “but maybe they have the next size up.” And she starts looking through the racks.

“What?” I ask, abundantly eloquent in my astonishment.

“For that price,” she says, “one of us should buy it.”

My gast was completely flabbered. I couldn’t even think of anything to say. She found a large, but looking at it more closely she said the belt would be too low on me and the skirt was too short anyway (it was a very long top section in solid black, and a very short black-and-white skirt portion, set very low). I agree…It was cute, but it was weirdly proportioned and I didn’t really care for it, but what a surprise she gave me!

We browse the clearance racks for a few moments more (notice I said “we”…I was openly looking through the racks with her, knowing that we were both looking for me. But there wasn’t anything I really liked, nor her.

So then we move on to the shoes. She doesn’t see any sandals she likes, but she does spot a cute pair of boots. She gets her size, tries them on, and loves them. Then we notice the sign that says “Buy one, get the second pair for $15”.

“There’s nothing else here I want,” she says, “Is there anything here that’s your style?” Again I hit her with the “What?”, because I’m a master of language.

“For that price we have to get another pair,” she says. “I don’t want to know about it, but I’m willing to buy you a pair so we don’t waste the bargain.”

Wow oh wow again!!! She suggests flats, because there are no pumps they had that I liked, but I wasn’t sure and I didn’t dare try any on in front of her or the other women in the store, and besides, we’d only save $3 on the flats, so she asked if I liked any of the boots.

Long story short (too late, I know!), I got the same boots she did, only black instead of brown. They’re ankle-high, maybe 2 1/2″ or 3″ heel, and cute as nobody’s business. I don’t know if they’ll go with anything I currently have, but I’ll put something together around them at some point.

I am floating! I cannot believe she did that for me! She says it’s not going to become a habit so don’t expect it again, but I’m just grateful for this one show of acceptance and support. It’s a point I never thought she’d ever reach. I know sometimes as we talk about my crossdressing she feels like I am pushing her to accept things she’s not ready to, but I’ve really been trying not to. We do talk occasionally, but mostly I just let her drive the conversation. And every once in a while she shows me that she is processing it all.

So just before bed, she asked if I had tried them on yet. I said no (my daughter was still getting ready for bed), so she said to go make sure they fit.

“I don’t want to see, I don’t want to know, but go try them on.”

I went and tried them on, came back and gave her a thumb’s up.

“Aren’t they comfortable?” she asked. I agreed, ’cause they are.

What a phenomenal end to an otherwise drab week.

If nothing else, at least now when I’m out shopping with her, I can feel more comfortable browsing the racks. And when she’s looking at shoes, I can be maybe just a little more open about my opinions, and she won’t be so upset at the thought that just maybe I’m thinking about them for me.

We may be semi-separated, but I still love that woman!

Attached Thumbnails

Click image for larger version  Name:	Boots.jpg Views:	4 Size:	22.6 KB ID:	110945New Boots – First purchase with my wife FOR METhose of you who have been following my journey to acceptance (both my own and my wife’s), will know that this is a day I never thought would come. But through faith, patience, love and compassion, it has.

My wife and I were out looking for shorts and sandals for her. Ended up at the mall. We’re heading toward JC Penney and passing Charlotte Russe, so she asks if she can stop in there to see what they have for sandals.

Before getting to the shoes, she stops by the clearance rack. Pulls out a black dress with a black-and-white skirt. She holds it up to herself and looks at the price ($20) and goes to put it back. I notice another price on the flip side of the tag. $6.99.

“$6.99???” she asks, incredulous. She looks at it again, seems to think for a moment, then SHE HOLDS THE DRESS UP TO ME!!!

“Too small” she says, “but maybe they have the next size up.” And she starts looking through the racks.

“What?” I ask, abundantly eloquent in my astonishment.

“For that price,” she says, “one of us should buy it.”

My gast was completely flabbered. I couldn’t even think of anything to say. She found a large, but looking at it more closely she said the belt would be too low on me and the skirt was too short anyway (it was a very long top section in solid black, and a very short black-and-white skirt portion, set very low). I agree…It was cute, but it was weirdly proportioned and I didn’t really care for it, but what a surprise she gave me!

We browse the clearance racks for a few moments more (notice I said “we”…I was openly looking through the racks with her, knowing that we were both looking for me. But there wasn’t anything I really liked, nor her.

So then we move on to the shoes. She doesn’t see any sandals she likes, but she does spot a cute pair of boots. She gets her size, tries them on, and loves them. Then we notice the sign that says “Buy one, get the second pair for $15”.

“There’s nothing else here I want,” she says, “Is there anything here that’s your style?” Again I hit her with the “What?”, because I’m a master of language.

“For that price we have to get another pair,” she says. “I don’t want to know about it, but I’m willing to buy you a pair so we don’t waste the bargain.”

Wow oh wow again!!! She suggests flats, because there are no pumps they had that I liked, but I wasn’t sure and I didn’t dare try any on in front of her or the other women in the store, and besides, we’d only save $3 on the flats, so she asked if I liked any of the boots.

Long story short (too late, I know!), I got the same boots she did, only black instead of brown. They’re ankle-high, maybe 2 1/2″ or 3″ heel, and cute as nobody’s business. I don’t know if they’ll go with anything I currently have, but I’ll put something together around them at some point.

I am floating! I cannot believe she did that for me! She says it’s not going to become a habit so don’t expect it again, but I’m just grateful for this one show of acceptance and support. It’s a point I never thought she’d ever reach. I know sometimes as we talk about my crossdressing she feels like I am pushing her to accept things she’s not ready to, but I’ve really been trying not to. We do talk occasionally, but mostly I just let her drive the conversation. And every once in a while she shows me that she is processing it all.

So just before bed, she asked if I had tried them on yet. I said no (my daughter was still getting ready for bed), so she said to go make sure they fit.

“I don’t want to see, I don’t want to know, but go try them on.”

I went and tried them on, came back and gave her a thumb’s up.

“Aren’t they comfortable?” she asked. I agreed, ’cause they are.

What a phenomenal end to an otherwise drab week.

If nothing else, at least now when I’m out shopping with her, I can feel more comfortable browsing the racks. And when she’s looking at shoes, I can be maybe just a little more open about my opinions, and she won’t be so upset at the thought that just maybe I’m thinking about them for me.

We may be semi-separated, but I still love that woman!

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Today was the most celebrated and wonderful holiday on the Christian Calendar.  Non-Christians often think that Christmas should own those titles–because how can a holiday that celebrates death be greater than one that celebrates birth?

The birth of our Savior was a wondrous event, heralded by angels, foretold by prophets for millenia.  And Christmas is a joyous time for Christians and non-Christians alike, but were it not for the events we celebrate around Easter, December 25th would just be another day.  Oh, sure, we might still have the traditions we kept from the pagans, but the marvel and wonder of Christmas just wouldn’t be there.  It would just be another birthday.

No, Christmas wouldn’t be the same if not for Easter.  It wasn’t the fact that a man died on a cross that makes Easter special.  It was the fact that this particular man died on a cross for us! Because with His death He paid for our sins!  That in itself would be worthy of the amazing celebration, but if the story ended there, it still wouldn’t mean as much as it does.

What makes it special is that he died in payment for our sins and then was raised to Heaven on the third day.  What further proof did the world need that this was the Son of God?  And because He is the Son of God, His payment for our sins is irrefutable.

God gave us an incredible gift nearly two thousand years ago.  How many of us truly appreciate the gift He gave?  How many of us thank Him for the gift He gives us anew each and every day?

I, for one, do.

May His light shine on you and all you are, for He made you–His child, His precious little one, the one He awaits with arms that are always open and always will be.

Thank you, my loving and perfect Parent.  I love you!

-Dianna Rose

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